The Cost of Being Strong: What We Lose When We Can’t Say We’re Struggling
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We keep asking people to break their silence. Have we made it safe enough for them to speak?
At the heart of this episode is a difficult proposition: silence is not always a failure to recognise suffering. It can be a response to what people know may happen when they disclose. Survivors may face disbelief, shame, family pressure, reputational damage, workplace consequences, or renewed trauma. The episode therefore moves beyond simply asking people to speak up and asks what families, workplaces, communities, and institutions must change so that speaking becomes safer.
Guests
1. Kyle Linton — Executive Director, Our Wave
2. Dr Njabulo Banda — Deputy Dean, Research at the Independent Institute of Education (IIE)
3. Mari Lee — Development Communications Specialist and Registered Counsellor
4. Tracey Lee Kotzen — Host
Executive Producer: Hazel Namponya
Assistant Producer: Tawanda Musakwa
At the heart of this episode is a difficult proposition: silence is not always a failure to recognise suffering. It can be a response to what people know may happen when they disclose. Survivors may face disbelief, shame, family pressure, reputational damage, workplace consequences, or renewed trauma. The episode therefore moves beyond simply asking people to speak up and asks what families, workplaces, communities, and institutions must change so that speaking becomes safer.
Guests
1. Kyle Linton — Executive Director, Our Wave
2. Dr Njabulo Banda — Deputy Dean, Research at the Independent Institute of Education (IIE)
3. Mari Lee — Development Communications Specialist and Registered Counsellor
4. Tracey Lee Kotzen — Host
Executive Producer: Hazel Namponya
Assistant Producer: Tawanda Musakwa
Chapters
- 00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
- 02:00 Meet the Guests
- 02:54 Kyle Linton: How R Wave Was Founded
- 05:17 R Wave by the Numbers: 550,000 Users, 79 Countries
- 06:21 The Cost of No System: Public Health Gaps in South Africa
- 09:43 Fragmented Services: Health, Justice and Social Development
- 11:29 Global Collaboration vs Local Competition for GBV Resources
- 13:16 Trauma-Informed Workplaces: The Corporate Case Study
- 16:47 The 20-Week Peer Facilitator Programme
- 18:16 Getting Corporates to Care: Bottom Line vs Human Value
- 20:24 How R Wave Decides Which Resources to Offer
- 22:30 Reducing Cognitive Load for Trauma Survivors
- 25:05 Creating Common Language Across Organisations
- 27:12 Stigma, Shame and GBV in South African Culture
- 30:46 Hidden Cases, Family Rituals and Rural Silence
- 32:49 Guilt vs Shame: The Science of Behaviour Change
- 35:18 Tailoring Language by Audience: Chiefs, NGOs and Young People
- 37:50 Language Gaps and the Word 'Coxa'
- 40:36 Child-on-Child Sexual Violence: Tracy's Personal Disclosure
- 43:39 Nuance in Child Sexual Violence: Research and Legal Response
- 46:18 Meeting the Client Where They Are: De-medicalising Mental Health
- 48:48 The MeToo Movement and Celebrity Silence
- 50:50 Closing Reflections: Holding Space and Listening Skills
- 52:26 Positive Stories of Healing: What Hope Looks Like
- 55:17 Survivor Resilience and the Snowball Effect
- 57:15 Closing: Reducing Shame Through Safe Containers
